


Ogata's Eulogy as delivered by Shindou Hikaru

by and-by-the-tree (countingthenights)



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Crack, Gen, Monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/countingthenights/pseuds/and-by-the-tree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>aka How to Destroy Ogata's Reputation, recorded by Amano of Go Weekly for posterity (though he really, really regrets it) and bribed by Kuwabara Honinbou not to delete (because he really, really enjoyed it).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ogata's Eulogy as delivered by Shindou Hikaru

**Author's Note:**

> With credits to Verloren who wrote the piece that started this madness, degrees and hostilecrayon and very for adding gasoline to the fire.

_*static*_

Mike test, mike test.

_*screechy feedback*_

… um, let’s try again. We are gathered today to pay tribute to a great man, Ogata whatshisface – what’s that, Touya? Oh, right, Ogata Souji.

_*short pause, scuffling*_

Seiji. I meant Seiji. He was a great Go player, if a little bit obsessed – shut up, Waya, I am _not_ obsessed – and he was very devoted to his, uh, fishies.

Ogata had an interesting life scaring children until they ran out of the room whenever his name was mentioned and sleeping around with everybody. No, I’m not making this up, I’m serious! He manhandled children – what? Touya, this isn’t just about me, it’s totally about him! You _saw_ him manhandling me that time!

_*short pause, faint shouting*_

Eh, Kurata-san, how should I know? Go ask Kuwabara-sensei for these kinds of things! I bet he even knows all the names of the people Ogata slept with… Ahh, no offense to Kuwabara-sensei, of course, but –

_*faint “None taken, brat!”*_

Yeah ok we’re good then. Well, Ogata-Jyudan was a very passionate Go player, it was almost… creepy. Or maybe it’s just those glasses. I dunno, don’t they just scream “pedo!” or something? Plus he liked asking kids to go on car rides with him… Hey, Touya, you sure he didn’t do anything to you?

_*pause of 5 seconds*_

Geez I was just asking, you don’t have to glare at me like that… Right, um, Ogata really liked Go. And fishes. And probably his car. Um, and Go. He liked it so much, he’d even play while he was drunk. Waya, can you go sit in the back row or something, you’re really distracting me and I’m trying to think.

_*pause of 10 seconds*_

Uh, I guessed he liked smoking too, that’s why he died isn’t it?

_*not so faint “Shindou!”*_

What, I was just making a guess! You wouldn’t tell me anything when you called me last night and asked me to deliver an eulogy for a guy who I spent more time avoiding than seeing. Uhh, I mean, I’m not afraid of him now because I’m all grown up, but he’s pretty persistent, you know?

_*short pause*_

No, I didn’t mean it in that way, so stop looking at me like that! Isumi-san, Waya, I’m talking about you!

_*paper shuffling*_

Well, anyway, he was a total psycho who played Go, fed his fishes, got drunk, drove around a lot, won titles, creeped on kids, not exactly in this order except maybe the getting drunk and driving around, and am I forgetting anything?

_*faint “Hey, kid, don’t forget me kicking his ass over the goban! Hohohoho!”*_

Oh yeah, and losing to Kuwabara-sensei regularly, not just in Go but in the art of creepin – OUCH! Touya, you _kicked_ me? _You_ kicked _me_? Do you know how hard your shoes are you jerk? I’m so going to annihilate you in our match later –

_*not so faint “Shindou, all official matches this week have been postponed.”*_

Fine then I’ll kick your ass next week –

_*scuffling*_

I’m very sorry to one and all present, but it appears that Shindou Hikaru has passed out from the grief of losing Ogata-Jyudan. Ogata-Jyudan was a man of great character, and I am confident that Shindou is not the only one who will mourn his passing.

_*faint “Hohohoho”*_

-clip ends here.


End file.
